some ramblings!

they're not necessarily good but they're mine!

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• pretend
• pretend to be someone else one too many times and it ends up being your second nature.
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• no, don't touch me there. no, i can't look at you like that.
• they'll know. they can tell.
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• how can you look the truth in the eye and pretend you can't see?
• (you think they're stupid? you think they won't notice?)
• how many stones can you throw at it? at least until it breaks
• until it breaks and shatters all over the floor leaving you in limbo
• (you think you gonna walk over the broken pieces without wincing, without letting them know?)
• how many times can you play the devil before you grow horns of your own?
• you turnt into everything you promised you wouldn't
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• under my skin
• it's the first time you hold a knife to my neck.
• you ask me if i am afraid
• truth is, im not. i can only feel the coolness of the blade and how it makes my body shiver.
• you're looking into my eyes as you drag the knife down my chest and carve your name there.
• as my skin breaks in the shape of your love, blood comes out and cold seeps in
• you make me lick the knife clean while you rummage through your mouth for a bigger one.
• one by one you're cutting off all the parts of me you hate, until im finally perfect.
• perfect and all yours.
• but you're not satisfied, you wont be until im stitched into you, so you cut me open again.
• the cold has settled in my bones and youre pulling me apart with a thousand different knives
• until all that is left is an ice box in the shape of my heart.
• i hand you the last knife
• you break my heart in two
• i have no blood to shed anymore
• i bleed light
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• carry me home
• the sky is calling me
• sparks in the air whisper my name
• thunder strikes the earth as it beckons me to come home
• i can feel it rather than hear it
• its pulling on me from within
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• the rain greets me with a forehead kiss
• her hands cradling my face tenderly
• thumbs running along my cheeks, wiping away the tears
• shes always been kind enough to let me hide away in her arms
• its been too long
• i sob as she washes over me, cleansing me of my sins
• its time to go. i close my eyes.
• she's mouthing my name, my real name against my skin
• she's gone
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• one day (with maroo)
• we are in love
• in love
• with her,
• with him,
• with them,
• people falling in love with people
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• but falling even harder for love itself
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• we crave to hold and long to be held
• making sure we're safe, warm and happy
• cause that's what life really is about
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• we want somebody to grab our hand when we least expect it
• and lead us on a slow dance regardless of the music or the crowd
• illuminated by neon lights, existing as we are
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• we yearn for someone to sing to with full intent and purpose
• and them singing back, not missing a beat
• the song holding the weight of our own reality
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• and sometimes we are so infatuated with love
• that we just can't help giving everything we got
• no reciprocation needed
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• there will be someone to do that too
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• one day
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• draft #1
• i look at you and see all the people that you used to be
• your eyes hold every version of you that ever existed
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• draft #2
• hatred has found its way into my heart and made itself home
• found a place to claim its own
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• To Will.
• My love, my beautiful, beautiful boy
• Sublimely brilliant. Captivatingly troubled.
• You saw my mouth wide open, teeth sharp and waiting, and you climbed right in.
• Poked and proded until you found a place to claim as your own. You offered
• yourself to me, Will, so plainly yet so intently, that for the first time I couldn't bite
• down. I couldn't possibly break my most valuable possession.
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• In the end, though, silly boy, I didnt have to do anything. You took yourself apart,
• frantically, tearing through skin and bone, just to scatter around my feet, piece by
• pathetic piece. My love, never had i seen someone so mesmerizing. Laying there,
• on my bed, naked in every sense, you begged me to stitch you back together. I
• stitched you into me.
• You're my chef-d'œvre, Will
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• Entirely helplessly yours,
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